quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
