I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
