I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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