i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
