Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
