We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
