i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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