Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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