I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
