I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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