Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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