drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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