Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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