So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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