So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Michael Bay diarrhea
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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