Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Text me some of your sweat
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
