Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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