I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
