I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
