Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
why do cheetos always look like penises
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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