I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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