She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
