At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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