I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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