Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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