my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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