I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
