tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
