I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
