I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
