so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
