I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
