There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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