I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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