After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You don't make any sense
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