I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
