If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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