my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
