don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
