I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
