my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
