I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Houston, we have a blender
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
