You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
