mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My hand turned me down
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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