I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
