i think i have herpe
just one?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
