3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
