My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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