the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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