all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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