i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You are a genius and a whore.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
